The Gods Must Be Crazy
by SilverontheRose
Summary: It's a normal day in the Reikai, until Enma finds out Kagome's wished away the Shikon no Tama and acts in anger. Now there's foxfire threatening the paperwork, Lady Fate's dragging around the Tapestry of Time, and a full concave of the gods is in the works. You know, Yusuke's right on the mark with his opinion of today's events. The gods really must be... Rated for language!


The Gods Must Be Crazy

* * *

Kagome dressed for school, not really paying attention to what she was doing. She'd dreamed of Inuyasha again, waiting for her in the world beyond the well. She smiled gently. The Goshinboku was playing messenger again for the two separated by time, unwilling to let it's hanyou suffer. She wondered if Inuyasha realized the high regard the tree held him in, his fifty year binding bringing him to the attention of the tree's sentient part.

He probably did. Inuyasha, for all his bluster, was extremely intelligent and observant. He also had a love of comfort he didn't show (look at all the times she'd caught him napping on her bed), but was most often found spending the night in its branches. She wondered how many of her grandfather's friends would be appalled at her firm belief that the sacred tree was a tree of ages thanks to the youki absorbed by the well and the time it spent dreaming with Inuyasha. Ki was, after all, a neutral element until shaped by the soul.

She gazed out her window, lost in thought. Trees had such a long view on life, it took many years of close contact to bring something not a tree to their notice. They tended to claim those who invested that much time with them as well- offering peace, information, gossip, and advice to those who could hear. Her family had lived under Goshinboku's influence so long that, barring misadventure, the ones who stayed with the shrine routinely lived past the century mark.

The clock buzzed, startling her. It felt strange marking time again. Those lost days in the void had left her feeling puzzled whenever she had to follow a schedule. It felt so unnatural to fuss about time now. She would arrive when she arrived, there was no cosmic penalty for when that was...

She shook her head, telling herself out loud, "I am going to be locked away if anyone ever hears my inner monologues. There may be no cosmic trouble, but there will be a lecture if I'm late to class after missing the entire first week of them."

She dashed downstairs, surprising her mother, who was just beginning breakfast. "Want some help, Mama?"

Gesturing to the rice cooker, she wished her daughter good morning. "You're up early this morning. Looking forward to school?"

Draining the rice after it's first rinse, she nodded. "It seems that all my time in the past has me used to getting up at daybreak and wanting to go to sleep at moonrise. Going by a clock is going to take some getting used to."

Her eyes were sparkling with cheer, her mother was relived to note. Kagome had scared them all when the well disappeared, and her experiences in war had made her more sober, less happy-go-lucky. She mourned for that, a parent's dismay at her child's maturation. But this older Kagome was something to be proud of.

She knew her father-in-law bragged of his granddaughter who had respect for him and the shine's traditions. Kagome probably had no idea that Father was envied for having a granddaughter like her. So many youths were dismissing the teachings, even going so far as to held their parents in contempt for keeping true to them these days. She fondly listened to her daughter as she rambled on.

"And I really hope no one asks me directions. I've been using constellations so long I'm afraid I would confuse them immensely. Although, it might be fun to teach people what I've learned. I can go anywhere on Honshu without a map." She programmed the rice cooker and turned to get the dishes, flashing a brilliant smile over her shoulder. "I can even make rice on a campfire and get it perfect every time."

Mama giggled. "Well, if you can't find a club you like in school, perhaps they'd let you form one of your own. There may be others interested in learning everyday life skills from historic eras."

Big gray eyes opened wide. "Mama, you're brilliant. I couldn't think of who would want to learn traditional survival skills, but there are sure to be some people interested in historic recreations. I could even say Meiji era instead of Sengoku, since the Shinsengumi are so popular."

She danced over and hugged her mother. "Sounds like a lot more fun than tennis." She shivered at the sudden reminder of the false life offered by the jewel. She'd been in the tennis club in that illusion. Mama rubbed her back, then returned to making breakfast.

~oOo~

She took her time walking to school, enjoying the day. However, right before she turned on the street her school was on, she felt several presences radiating ill intent. She sped up, insinuating herself into the conversation of three upperclassmen who very seriously informed her of the social rules in their school, including the boys that were off limits and the clubs that held the social outcasts... one of which was a reenactment club, dashing her plans.

Quickly thinking of a way to stay with them to the gates, she asked, "I know how to make perfume and natural cosmetics. Do you think anyone would be interested in such a thing?"

All three of them squealed, "You can make perfume?" The ensuing conversation got her inside the school and all the way to her homeroom.

She worried all day about the presence of so many who meant her no good, as she could feel them waiting for her. The Shikon no Tama was gone, and they had no youki... in fact they felt much like Kaede, which was even more confusing. And when it was time to go home, she was out of ideas, as each of her friends were busy and couldn't walk home with her.

That was suspicious in itself, especially when no one answered the phone at her house. She was trapped; the only thing she could do was to face her stalkers. She headed home, staying away from dark places and hiding spots, eyes constantly moving. In the interest of her survival, Inuyasha had taught her what it was like to be hunted, and how to slip hunter's traps. A very useful skill for her, considering her aptitude towards making youkai friends.

She touched a hidden pendant, feeling the warmth of foxfire. She really missed Shippou, and could use some kitsune cunning about now.

As if that touch were a sign, four men in cloaks dropped down around her. She automatically braced for an attack, looking for an exit. "Kagome Higurashi, you will come with us to be tried for the destruction of a Reikai artifact."

"Eh?" was her oh-so-intelligent answer. "I haven't even heard of such a name. Are you yakuza?"

"Stop joking around girl, you're coming with us," the lead jerk said.

"I don't know who you are, but I'm a minor. You can't hold me without my grandfather's consent, which I know he would not give. Its obvious you are not the police, so go away before I call them." Before she even finished, they attacked.

She did her best to get away from them, but one of them shouted for a portal and she found herself falling into a fancy hallway with a number of oni... doing paperwork of all things. She shoved the guy on top of her off and ran, gratefully accepting the oni's passive assistance that slowed her attackers down. Then something slammed into her back, and her world was colored in pain as she impacted the wall and crumpled to the floor, where they began to force shackles on her.

~oOo~

The four men who comprised the Detective force of the Spirit Division were surprised at the commotion in Spirit World headquarters. The SDF, their least favorite coworkers, were swearing a blue streak and trying to contain something in the middle of the hall, the oni around them grumbling and quite obviously rooting for the other side. Suddenly there was a loud _snap_, and the brilliant, warm energy blazing through the whole building was cut off.

"Che, bitch. Had you just came with us, we wouldn't have had to rough you up." The head picked up what turned out to be a human woman, and tossed her into a holding cell, obviously uncaring of her health. He called back to Koenma, "Recycle her, but tear the soul up. Enma doesn't need a vessel that rids itself of its contents. You could get three, four souls from this one." Barely sketching a salute, he stalked off, his tattered uniform sagging around him.

Kurama and Hiei glanced at each other, then the cell, Kurama asking the question for both of them. "What crimes has a human woman committed to be treated that way?" He became more worried at the grief on Koenma's face.

"Nothing." The toddler suddenly changed to his teenage self. "Not a gods-be-damned thing other than what I let her do." Koenma went to the cell, wincing at the chains binding her. He straightened, then turned and stared Kurama in the eye. "I'm busy. Very, very busy. None of the oni have any time to look after your comforts or answer curious questions about an extraordinary woman with a unique story who happens to be _very_ important to someone you know." With that he turned around and headed back to his office, ignoring Kuwabara's questions and protests.

Kurama watched the demigod leave, smiling at the almost fox-like statement. Koenma was obviously forbidden from interfering, but despised the circumstances and wanted the woman rescued. _We even get paid with information Enma obviously would hate for us to have_, the youko in him murmured.

_Well, we were told to talk to the prisoner. I wonder what story she has that would interest us?_ Kurama indulged his curiosity by peering into the cell, surprised at what she'd been wrapped in. _Soul chains? Enough to contain a daiyoukai wrapped around a mortal woman?_ Soul chains slowly devoured the soul, leaving the imprisoned to die in agony. _He must be telling the truth._

He was surprised when she spoke clearly, addressing him politely even though the pain she was ignoring had to be immense.

"Kitsune-san?"

Surprises, surprises. Bound and dying, and she could feel that hidden part of him? "I am Kurama, once a youko, now an avatar serving Koenma to expunge the record of my theft of a Reikai treasure." Why he felt the need to introduce himself that way eluded him till he heard her next words.

"Forgive me, Kurama-san, but I must..." She took a deep breath, and recited the ritual words, "By the fire that saved me, by the fire that bound me," she broke off, gasping a moment as the chains glowed ominously. "...by the fire that warms me, I beg a death boon."

Who had taught a human this ritual? It was sacred among them... he hoped she wasn't going to bind him to a foolish promise of revenge. "By Inari's favor, I will grant what is in my power." He watched her sag in relief.

"I ask only that you tell two of my fate. Shippou, the prince of the red kitsune clan of Seven Treasures-" she broke off gasping for air. He frowned at the malevolence in the chains. Someone was trying to kill her more quickly, but she was actually resisting, successfully holding onto most of her soul. Long minutes later, they died down and she lay limp against the floor.

Her asking for a clan prince to be told of her fate was a pelt of a completely different kitsune. Quite literally. A human woman bound by fire would belong to the prince, linked to him for as long as she lived. To bind a human to your clan took spirit fire, an ability a red kitsune's pelt had, but only available after it's owner was killed and skinned. How had she warranted such a sacrifice?

"Who else? He asked, afraid she would die before sealing the ritual. Having to summon her soul would leave a bad taste in his mouth.

"Granma." She was holding onto life hard, focusing only on the necessary... extraordinary indeed.

"What's her name?"

"Genkai..."

Yuusuke heard her and did a double take. _Shit_. "Genkai, the reihadou master?"

"Aa." She passed out.

"Botan," Yuusuke shouted for the ferry girl, making everyone jump. "Get Genkai, and hurry. I don't think Enma knew exactly who he wanted dead."

Hiei spoke up. "I know of Shippou." The forbidden child smiled. "He's older than the youko and even more possessive." Left unsaid was the absolute certainty that an old red fox could and would burn the Reikai to ash if she truly was his.

As a youko, Kurama had stayed away from the red clans, though he had yet to tell Shuuichi why. There was a reassurance that there was no feud with them, merely prudence, and the request would be best fulfilled while there was a chance to save her. "Do you know where I can find him?"

"That clan claims the Forbidden Forest of the InuYasha. They're a strange clan, actually providing a buffer between common youkai and the Ancient who rules the Forgotten Lands beyond."

"How is that strange?" Kuwabara asked, puzzled by the mention of lands he'd not heard of before.

Hiei stuck his nose in the air. "Foxes and dogs are enemies. It makes no sense for a fox clan to provide border protection for an inuyoukai lord." It was plain to see he was puzzled by the change in the status quo, and a puzzled Hiei was a irritated Hiei.

Botan stepped through a portal that had suddenly ripped open, using all the speed at her disposal for once. Genkai looked as if she'd been pulled from bed... she'd even forgotten her hat. She stalked toward the cell, muttering threats about jokers until she saw the girl.

"Kagome? Kagome! Wake up!" She turned and glared at Yusuke, "You've got most of my power, idiot! Open the damn cell you fucking dipshit spawn of a dimwit, and get those chains off of her before I summon a kappa to pull the ball outta your ass. She's fading!"

As Genkai ordered detective and oni around alike, Kurama went over to Botan, who was wringing her hands in distress. "I know this is upsetting, Botan, but would you mind opening a portal to the Forbidden Forest of the InuYasha? I gave my oath I would let Prince Shippou know."

She perked up. "Shippou-dono! I know just where to find him. He's very kind, unless, of course, you get him mad. He's got lots of influence here, too. He'll get this fixed!"

Kurama was enthusiastically thrown on the back of her oar and they went speeding into the Maikai.

~oOo~

Kurama was amused that something called a 'Forbidden Forest' could be so welcoming. Apparently this prince missed the old world, as the illusions permeating the forest changed the sky and trees to look like an old forest from before the separation of realms. He looked at some of the herbs, surprised to find some his old self had mourned as lost. _Perhaps I can ask for a few of the seeds if I get him to her before she dies._

A tall red-haired kitsune came from between the trees, posing in a ray of sunlight. It shone off his almost ankle-length hair and the five tails he sported, foxfire burning at their tips. A lazy smile creased his face at seeing Botan. "Oh beautiful maid of the ferry girls, do you still reject my advances? Has this male beside you committed the crime of stealing the greatest prize of the Spirit World, your generous heart?"

She flushed brightly, and the youko approved. _Very smooth. He's very powerful as well, even has a glamour to hide a tail or two. Best we tell him quick_. "I come at the request of one bound by fire." Kurama said, bowing low. "The human woman Kagome was taken by Enma and wrapped in enough soul chains to bind a daiyoukai. I stand witness that someone is using them to drain her life more quickly than usual. When I left to fulfill my oath, she yet lived, and her grandmother was working to save her."

Green eyes narrowed and his nose twitched. "That's... wrong. Kagome didn't have any contact with the Spirit World, she died before it was established."

"That's the problem, Shippou-dono! King Enma's ordered her killed and her soul divided. He's broken the basic tenants." Botan cried out, mystifying Kurama.

Any puzzlement had left the old prince's eyes when she mentioned Enma and soul division, though. Snarling, the kitsune disappeared in a flash of foxfire, and Botan pulled out her oar. "Kurama, we need to go. He's already there."

The avatar found he was now completely hooked. A living girl who was known to be dead for hundreds of years, a misbehaving god, a kitsune who knew the secret to teleporting between realms, and an object of power... had he been in his spirit form, his tail would be twitching.

~oOo~

They arrived back at Spirit World Headquarters to find blue foxfire spreading through the building. Surprisingly, Shippou was the one calling Kagome's soul out of the chains and settling it back into her. The sheer amount of soul he had to deal with was amazing.

Kurama went and sat by the fox prince, laying his hand palm up on his knee. It was a way to offer spiritual power assistance without embarrassing or offending another kitsune. Shippou took him up on it, drawing a thin thread of power and working it into his web. He growled as he worked.

"Kagome _hates_ for her soul to be stolen. She always said it felt loose inside her, after all the attempts youkai and gods alike made to steal it. I concentrated on soul manipulation in school so I could fix her... worked too. But that's in a future past that hasn't happened yet, so once again it needs to be packed back in. Look at all those degraded anchors!"

Everyone peered at her, trying to see what the kitsune was talking about. Genkai bopped Yuusuke in the head and verbally flayed him for thinking he had that enough sensitivity for that kind of technique. Kurama thought he saw _something_ in the power Shippou was working, but it was Kuwabara who nodded his head. "I see them. Is there something I can do to help?"

A wise glare swept up and down the human. "You are amazingly strong for a human. If you can see what's messed up and how I'm fixing it, help me mend her anchors. Otherwise, start pulling her soul out of the chains and feed it to me."

Koenma had come out when foxfire had first crept throughout the building, threatening the paperwork. On seeing an growling Shippou psychically suturing the huge soul back inside Kagome, he ordered a bunch of oni to go to the kitchens for all the fried tofu creations the cooks could come up with, at the last moment whispering for fried rat too.

Now food was pouring in from the kitchens, and Jr. directed the tray of fried rat treats to be put next to his fellow prince. Shippou shot him a look, but was reassured the boy was as upset as he was. Reaching over to snag a couple of rat stuffed tofu pockets, he popped them in his mouth and the flames receded back to his tails.

"Tell me a tale while I work, Reikai Prince. I would be most interested in learning something I don't know about the woman who helped me avenge my father's death."

_And one question is answered,_ Kurama was pleased to note.

Koenma sat on the floor and offered his hand like Kurama had, shocking everyone but the oni around them. "Everyone in here will gladly offer their help, Shippou-sama. This woman's soul has been grievously wronged, though none here had the power to prevent it.

"There was once a spirit that refused to rejoin the wheel of reincarnation, because she held within her soul a mystical jewel that caused suffering wherever it was. I allowed this, and provided a pleasant place for her to rest, for I admired her sacrifice on behalf of humanity.

"But my father heard of her and ignored her wishes, stating that the rules of the Reikai did not allow for the noble sacrifice of the miko she used to be. He stole that soul from its garden, experimented on and expanded it, stuffing it with reiki far beyond the normal limits, until it was powerful enough to be a living vessel for the jewel.

"What he did next made everyone here sick to their stomachs, which is why the oni tried assisting her escape. You see, it's policy never to make a soul serve the gods more than once. The life of a holy person is full of suffering. They either live short, bright lives in service to their fellow humans, or live to extreme old age, sacrificing all that gives a normal human joy in order to do the gods' will. Once is enough, and they're usually ready for Buddha's Nirvana within one or two _peaceful_ lifetimes after that."

The expression on Jr.'s face was bitter as he bit out his father's crime. "Enma forced the soul that had once been Kikyou into rebirth as a shrine maiden a second time. Even more cruelly, at the very same shrine she died defending five hundred years before." He looked at them with utter loathing for his father's deeds in his eyes. "I never understood exactly what he wanted, until today when he falsely charged Kagome with destroying a treasure of the Spirit World. He wanted it for his collection of artifacts from the three worlds."

"Why did she destroy it?" Hiei questioned as he leaned against a pillar, mildly curious about a treasure he'd not heard of. Kurama smiled lightly at his compatriot, but focused on staying upright. This kind of power drain was difficult.

"The Shikon no Tama was an abomination, imprisoning hundreds of souls in perpetual battle, one miko against hordes of demons. It eventually would have swallowed her soul too." He inclined his head to the girl. "In fact, it did manage to claim her for three days after the final battle before she found the answer to destroying it.

"But that was later. Once the jewel solidified and became active on her fifteenth birthday, I arranged for her to travel to a time it could be destroyed without repercussion... however, when she came back, her power levels had skyrocketed since she was no longer holding what she was meant to contain and the seal holding her in check was destroyed."

Shippou grinned. "That's thanks to the old dog getting in a snit and killing the spirit binding her. He may have blamed her for his brother not devoting himself to the warrior's arts like he did, but she never tried toying with him like Magetsuhi did. Sesshoumaru doesn't have a sense of humor... to him, a smile is advance warning of your death."

A shrill voice penetrated the air, catching everyone's attention. "Koenma, you little brat, where are you, how could your father do this to us all? One god does something stupid and now we've got the end of the world on our hands! KOENMA!"

George appeared again, directing a little girl in an elaborate furisode to them, her curly pink hair piled in wild masses on her head. Tears were streaming down her face and dripping on the immense tapestry she was dragging with her.

"Excuse me, Lady Fate, but I cannot stand. Shippou needs energy." He began sweating bullets as he recognized what she held. "What is the Tapestry of Time doing out here?!

"We were having a very pleasant day... until your father pulled this boneheaded stunt. Now time has been completely rewritten- this tapestry is no longer valid! Every single one of my workers are weaving and stitching as fast as they can to keep the world from chaos. The next hour is covered, but if the kami don't intervene with a trial and decision before time outpaces us, it's the end of the world!"

"End of the world!" was the loud chorus from Koenma and the oni.

Hiei sniffed. "How can one woman's change of fate end the world?" he asked dismissively.

"Fool!" The diminutive goddess spat out. "Kagome is a time traveler. When she returned to the present from the void instead of properly through the well, she had the seed of immortality develop in her. In the correct timeline, she would complete her obligations to her family then use the well one last time to go back to the past, which would effectively kill that seed."

Koenma's pacifier dropped from his mouth. "But she was brought to the Reikai through a hasty portal."

Fate nodded, clenching the tapestry to her. "It is a seed no longer. She's immortal, and now we've been diverted to an alternate timeline! But she _has_ to go back to the past. Inuyasha is a hanyou... that is his one turn on the earth. Just as he cannot access the human hell, he cannot reincarnate like a human. He has proved himself worthy of his lifemate, and I tied the cord between them myself."

Her thickly lashed silver eyes began spilling more tears. "But now she'll outlive him instead of the other way around... and though we may have been able to work around all of that, her special gift will rewrite all of history. She's a catalyst!"

Jr. stared in horror at Fate, taking in the horror of her words. "An immortal catalyst that has to be returned to five hundred years in the past?"

"Its all Enma's fault!" She wailed.

Koenma let a small smile creep onto his face. "Grandmother's going to spank him. Lots and lots and lots of spankings."

~oOo~

As they waited for the court to convene, Kurama went over to Genkai and sat beside her. She was running her fingers through her granddaughter's hair reflexively as she pondered something.

"How is she doing?"

The old fighter sighed. "Sleeping now. I'm so spitting mad at Enma that I'd challenge him if she weren't calming me."

"She does have a very peaceful aura. How will she take the news of her immortality?"

"I have no idea. I would consider it a terrible curse, but my husband and I split when she was a toddler. I had too many enemies to live with a family, so I opened up a temple and left the shrine to our son. He passed on a few years later and I never went back. I could kick myself for not at least testing my grandchildren. She's been time-hopping and fighting wars with no more than a lick and a prayer of training."

"She's got more power than any of the Maikai Lords, though. The big stick defense is popular because it works, Genkai."

A murmur came from the formerly sleeping girl. "Youkai today are weak. I've known hanyou in the warring-states period that could eliminate them with a flick of their wrist."

"It is good of you to remember this Sesshoumaru's brother so fondly, sister-in-law." A large, pale youkai loomed over the group.

Kagome sat up, looking at Sesshoumaru in awe. "You... wow... what a change."

The regal youkai snorted derisively. "This Sesshoumaru doesn't change." A smile crossed her face.

"But my Shippou does! Sesshoumaru's going to skin you and turn you into a rug one day, you do know that?"

"What gave me away?" Shippou asked, reverting to his form.

"He never acknowledges more than half of his brother's blood, I can just imagine the looks on both the brother's faces if I called Sesshoumaru brother-in-law, and he doesn't snort." She ran down the list quickly, causing the kitsune to droop.

"No one else knows him that well, Kagome."

"Not many have survived his assassination attempts as many times as I have!" she cheekily replied.

Kurama tried to swallow his laughter and awe, only to end up coughing. "You've survived serious attacks from the Ancient of the Lost Lands?" he finally gasped.

"No, Sesshoumaru looked about nineteen when he tried to kill me, so he wasn't ancient. Let's see, he doused me with poison in his father's tomb, sent a kenatsu attack my way, almost dissolved me in his caustic doggy drool fumes..."

Kurama shook his head, "Just that is enough to earn my respect, Kagome-sama."

Shippou piped up, "But that doesn't even count the times she's yelled at him or defended somebody against his wrath, or asked him to save complete stranger's lives..."

"A truly stout-hearted warrior, then." She blushed at the complement.

Genkai exhaled noisily. "Can you forgive me for abandoning you to do all this alone, Kagome? I should have kept in touch-"

Kagome shook her head. "You forget, I know what it's like to be hunted by youkai. If Mama, jii-chan, or Souta were in danger because of me, I'd disappear too. I always knew that if I got into big enough trouble, I could call on you though. Now could someone tell me what's going on? I take it those punks weren't yakuza?"

"Yakuza?" A puzzled Kurama tried to figure out how she came up with that.

"Your grandfather's still crazy about his dramas, is he?" Genkai griped. "That man drove me crazy watching such melodramatic wishwash."

Kagome smiled and lay back down in her grandma's lap. "Really, though! That's what they acted like. Four of them jumped down and surrounded me. They were cloaked and hiding their mouths, and going on about destroying a Reikai artifact. I'd never heard the word before, and I've made a point of being very careful around fragile things since I shattered the Shikon no Tama the first time."

Kurama had been very carefully trying not to laugh, but her last statement turned his intentions over. When he finally regained his dignity, he focused back on her peaceful face. "I hope you will not mind me sharing that with my co-workers. They despise that division as much as I do. They'll taunt them for weeks with that kind of fodder."

She lazily waved her hand. "Go right ahead. Whatever they hit me with still hurts."

Genkai stilled. "Where did they hit you?"

"My back, the cowards. I was almost away from them when they switched dimensions on me, then something big hit my back and slammed me into a wall."

"Let me see." Kagome blushed a bit, as they were in the hall, but she knew better than to disobey grandma. She sat up and leaned over a bit so her shirt could be lifted high enough. She suddenly felt grandma's aura rise. "They hit an unarmed human in the back with a reicannon?"

Sudden coolness began to spread over her back and she sighed in contentment. "Thank you, that feels much better."

Kurama plucked two leaves from the plant he'd forced and passed them to her. "Chew these, they'll get your soul settled faster and you won't get in trouble with the kami for being too lethargic to meet their standards of formality."

She pushed her hair behind her ear, and bobbed a small bow. "Wow, I'm feeling very pampered. Thank you both, I'm sorry to be an imposition."

The grand doors opened, and everyone began to file in. Genkai had one last thing to tell her. "Don't say a word unless I say you can. You are hurt and upset. It's the business of the clan head to speak for you."

Kagome acquiesced, and they entered a stately room presided over by a woman glowing gold. _Amaterasu-kami-sama._

The trial of the millennium began.

~oOo~

Several dozen kami were sitting, reclining, or draping themselves across their neighbors in accordance with their personality. Enma came storming in, demanding to know why he was summoned to court, when Genkai stepped forward.

Bowing deeply, she then addressed the crowd. "I wish to claim the kami's justice for my son's daughter. Because of King Enma's actions towards the soul she carries, immortality was forced upon Kagome without her desire or consent."

"What!" Enma screeched. "Why hasn't this soul been drawn and quartered? It destroyed a valuable item it was created to contain!"

Inari leaned forward, face continuously morphing between the beauty of a young woman to the wise face of an old man. "Was the soul ever informed that it was to hold the abomination and not destroy it?"

Enma hemmed and hawwed between answers, until Inari hit a remote and Kagome's conversation in the hallway filled the room. Turning it off, the noblewoman trilled a laugh. "It seems she had never even heard of you or this world. In fact, I remember meeting this soul before its current incarnation, and it was adamant its duty was to keep the Shikon no Tama from destroying the human world." The old man's wise eyes stared Enma down. "Did you fail to erase that imperative?"

Amaterasu gleamed more brightly. "Indeed, this is one of my favorite handmaids, who has served me well and willingly through an unprecedented and quite unlawful two lifetimes." Several of the kami gasped in chorus, toying with Enma who had begun sweating heavily. "And now I hear I cannot take my handmaiden up into my halls, because immortality was forced upon her living body. Enma, dear son, you know what I do to those who steal my girls."

Enma knelt, begging forgiveness, but his mother turned her nose up at him. "For making my beloved miko immortal without my permission, your punishment is five hundred thousand spankings."

Fate stepped out, now looking like an old woman in a somber tomesode and her hair in a tight bun. "I bring charges against King Enma. By making the aforementioned miko immortal, he destroyed the fabric of time itself. The tapestry is being rewoven as we speak but we are now on an alternate timeline and it will be centuries before we catch up all the threads. My people are having to walk time to keep ahead of the end of all things."

Sungold eyes narrowed at the blubbering Enma. "Son of mine, you fouled up today in the most exotic and expansive way you could, didn't you? I double the spankings. Are there any other charges against King Enma?"

No one spoke up though there was plenty of laughter and murmuring coming from the dais. A smaller god smiled at the group before taking a grimy shower tile and licking it clean. Kagome shuddered, drawing the Sun's attention for a moment before she resumed pronouncing her judgment. "It has been established that the miko Kagome Higurashi was harmed most grievously today. How shall we compensate her for her loss, for she is now forever unable to gain Nirvana due to my son's actions?"

Fate bowed her head. "Amaterasu, mother of us all, there is a way to resolve both her compensation and our trouble with the tapestry of time." The sun goddess nodded for Fate to continue. "We don't have enough minor gods for time and space. Should her betrothed agree, I would bestow these titles upon them. The soul in question is a catalyst. As time is a catalyst in its own right, it would contain the danger of an immortal catalyst."

"And since Space is always linked to Time, having these two already joined would solve everything quite tidily. Very well, as Fate has decreed, if the hanyou Inuyasha agrees to be a deity of Space, the soul currently known as Kagome will become a deity of Time. This will be her just compensation. Trial adjourned. And Kagome?"

The schoolgirl bowed to her patron, and Amaterasu smiled. "I would think about a name change. It would be unfortunate for a goddess to share a name with a manufacturer's brand of juice and vegetables."

Only Genkai's tight grip kept Kagome from saying something rash.

~oOo~

Later that day, Koenma and the detectives escorted Kagome and Genkai back to the Sunset Shrine. Mama had been frantic with worry, and on seeing her mother-in-law sank down in a faint, caught at the last moment by Yuusuke, who was quite certain if he hadn't caught her, Genkai would make his life miserable.

After rousing, she immediately disappeared into the kitchen, showing back up with tea and enough snacks to constitute a meal for someone not a teenage food recycler. Kuwabara thanked her profusely, while happily spoiling the calico curled in his lap.

"Honored mother-in-law, I have missed you. What brings you to the shrine today?" She looked over to her daughter, passing her favorite botamochi to her.

"Kagome's destruction of the Shikon no Tama infuriated one of the gods, and she was pulled into the heavens in an attempt to punish her." Genkai ignored her daughter-in-law's gasp of terror. "He was in the wrong, and was punished by Amaterasu-kami-sama, do not worry about that. Thankfully Kagome is a smart, well-connected young woman. She had myself and an old kitsune brought in to help her."

She covered her mouth as she gasped. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Shippou-kun, right? I am so glad you have such good friends." She bowed low to Genkai again in gratitude.

"Eh, don't daughter-in-law. I was wrong not to keep tabs on my grandchildren. I apologize for not being there for Kagome, especially with the consequences."

At her mother' confused look, Kagome looked to Koenma, hoping he would explain.

"Mrs. Higurashi, I am Koenma, prince of the Spirit World. I regret that my father was the instrument of this mess. You see, thanks to her being pulled into the Spirit Realm, Kagome has become immortal. In apology for condemning her to live forever, Amaterasu-kami-sama has declared that if Inuyasha is agreeable, the two of them will become minor kami of Time and Space."

She blanched. "I always knew my daughter had a unique destiny, but this..."

"Mama, think of it like this." Kagome said, trying to make the best of it, "you'll never lose me again, and you'll be there for all your grandkids since Inuyasha and I will be able to walk time together."

"Quite so, quite so." Koenma agreed, thinking it would be nice to have younger kids than him around. "But she'll not be able to go to high school now. Once the godhead settles on her, she won't pass for human. It takes a while to control the glow. If you like, one of our ferry girls can attend in her place, or we can provide a false body for burial. I know that her death wouldn't be too big of a surprise after all her supposed illnesses."

"But if I'm dead, how can I visit mom?" _That would be a nightmare..._

Botan raised her hand. "I know a very sweet ferry girl who loves to learn. She'd be delighted to pose as Kagome if it meant she could go to school. If it wouldn't bother Higurashi-san to host her."

"Would she mind teaching me what she learned?" Kagome was a bit fearful she was getting ousted from her life.

Koenma started giggling so hard he lost his teenager form. "Kagome, the godhead explains everything in the world you could think of."

She hung her head, blushing.

More insightful than the others, Kurama spoke up. "You won't lose your place in your family, Miss Higurashi. Just think of it as gaining a twin sister."

Her eyes softening at this revelation, Mama pulled her daughter into a hug. "No one can take the place of my wonderful daughter."

~oOo~

"How are we going to do this?" Kagome asked as they all trooped into the well shrine.

"Easy," Koenma crossed his arms and tried to look important... instead looking silly since he was in his younger form again. "I opened this thing for you and the hanyou in the first place, opening it for more people is a snap. Your family can come with us, since I plan on marrying you two today, if the boy agrees. The link between you will be more powerful that way."

Kagome bashfully smiled, and looked up when her family filed into the well-house. Her mother was a vision in her oldest tomesode, one of the treasures of the shrine. She was carrying a very familiar box and was followed by Grandfather and Souta, both dressed in sharp black hakama and haori with the Higurashi mon embroidered on it.

Koenma pulled his pacifier from his mouth and suddenly shot up to his teenage appearance. With a mumbled chant and several hand seals, a torii took form in front of the well, and he motioned for everyone to go through.

Inuyasha charged towards the well meadow when he felt the tremors coming from the area, followed closely by Miroku and Sango. They drew up short when everyone came through, even their missing friend. Inuyasha moved up to Kagome, pulling her hands into his and saying hello to her family, his eyes wide at their formal clothing and what it meant.

Koenma coughed, drawing attention back to him. "Inuyasha-sama, I am Koenma, son of Enma, Lord of Hell. Due to some extenuating circumstances, I am here to join you to Kagome, if you still wish her to be your wife."

"Kagome?" Inuyasha, Miroku, and Sango all chorused, Inuyasha staring at Kagome in hope, while the other two couldn't decide who to watch and kept looking between everyone.

"I don't really have all that much time, so if you're getting married, your future brother-in-law and grandfather have something for you to change into. Kagome, you need to go with your mother."

"Shouldn't we-"

Koenma cut Kagome off with a shake of his head. "Trust me. Go change."

Their wedding was completely surreal... one moment sealed away from each other, the next a god himself presiding over their nuptials. The villagers scraped together a feast at the last moment, in honor of the god who was binding two of their heroes together, and in less than an hour, Inuyasha and Kagome were sitting in front of him, drinking the last bit of ceremonial o-sake.

Inuyasha thought it was over, and Kagome thought he'd been told, when Koenma put a little addendum on the ceremony... "And as Time and Space are linked, so may you be linked. Welcome to the world, renewed as Kagome, kami of Time, and Inuyasha, kami of Space."

An unbelieving _"WHAT?"_ thundered though all of Space, making Fate laugh as she tied off her embroidery thread. It was going to be so much _fun_ to see the patterns a gruff inuhanyou was going to introduce to the new tapestry of Time.

~oOo~

Several hours later, back in their proper time, Kurama walked beside Yuusuke, wondering about the brash fighter's contemplative demeanor. "Quite an eventful day, eh?" The toushin shrugged, hands in pockets.

"Weird as ever. You know, after that whole... trial... thing, and then Koenma's version of a wedding, I'm starting to wonder if we shouldn't ask Kagome and Inuyasha to change a few things. 'Cause ya know, far as I can tell? The gods are fucking nuts."

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Not beta'ed, but I was tired of not posting... lol. Working on more stories, but they're all taking forever, plus this winter's just been rough. I hate cold, wet weather.


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